This trip back to Singapore has been really busy.
R proposed 🙂 and there is just so much to do – and I am determined to pare things down to the barest minimum. We really don’t want an elaborate party or ceremony, and want to keep things really simple, but it has been tough even with settling on the guest list.
We really just want to have a simple one – a party for our loved ones and friends. And this had included my biological dad.
Unfortunately he turned me down. I shouldn’t have been surprised; he has been absent most of my life and his refusal to attend shouldn’t really shock.
But it did, and the sting is there.
I’m getting better emotionally since this came up, but do have low moments, especially since the body hasn’t been playing nice, with me falling sick so often the past months since I have been back in Singapore – and so become (IMHO ridiculously and needlessly) upset over the whole thing.
In trying to move forwards it seems I have to move back, to tie up loose ends, so to speak.
This had been a necessary door to close as it forced me to reflect and think about past relationships as well, how I sought and yearned for acceptance from Father Figures, and really, I had no need to.
I was already loved and am still do by my stepfather. And in meeting R, I gained another dad, who really cares for me. I am already blessed.
If I had a regret it would be that I never got a chance to take on my stepfather’s last name. But at least he will be one of my witnesses at our civil ceremony in July.
I really need to move on, and forwards, rather than always looking back.
So… in doing so, who has a great suggestion for a nice gardenish dinner place with great food for about 70 people?